One of the most consistently amazing things in this modern world is what people
will and won't eat. I think I could be amused around the clock watching through
as 2-way mirror as people wolfed, rejected, winced, shoveled, picked and slurped
their way through assorted cuisines. Having not been trained in behaviorism
or nutrition, I feel as qualified as anybody to be astounded.
* What is it about mayonnaise? Why do I personally know so many normal,
bright, healthy adults with no other noticeable phobias who don't even want
the stuff in their house? I love the stuff- I put it on french fries and sandwiches-
the jar in my refrigerator says it is made from soybean oil, eggs, vinegar,
water, salt, sugar, lemon juice and natural flavors in that order. Harmless
stuff. I think the mayonnaise companies must have done some research, and I'm
thinking of writing away and see if this phobia is as common as it seems to
me to be. Someday I would like to understand why it can go bad at a picnic but
almost never in the refrigerator. Sour cream goes bad much faster.
* People never quite shake their childhood eating habits, and if Mom
put peanut butter on saltines, they do it all their lives, and feel poisoned
if someone tries to feed them peanut butter on Ritz crackers. I should collect
all the A+B combinations of two foods. In my family, a few of the more unusual
(but delicious) ones are honey on white rice, avocado on toast, cream cheese
on graham crackers, and peanut butter and lettuce sandwiches. I'm sure we could
fill volumes of research with other people's parents' odd food ideas.
* Why do all kids like hot dogs? I'll eat almost anything, and hot dogs,
especially the cheap, flavorless ones kids love best, are low on my hit list.
I have seen countless kids, especially in these days of yuppie kids, turning
down lobster and roast beef au jus, and turning up their lower lips until Mom
brings them a hot dog.
* Why do so many people refuse sauerkraut and sour cream? I think it
is vestigial childhood fears they can't shake based on the name of the food.
I hated sauerkraut for years and wouldn't touch it. When I finally tried it,
I discovered that it is just pickled cabbages and it can be scrumptious. Sour
cream doesn't taste sour at all, but I bet if it was called something catchy
like "yogurt," sales nationwide would be 50 times as big as they are
now.
* Why is cheese yellow? I am embarrassed to say how old I was before
I realized that cheese was supposed to be white, and I still don't know why
they feel the need to color it. Cheese Awareness is way up this decade, and
kids nowadays can see white cheese in the grocery stores. When I was growing
up, you couldn't, except for Swiss cheese. I remember my wide-eyed amazement
when my brother Russ came back from Canada and announced that they sell Kraft
Canadian Cheese slices there.
* Why are there so many classes of vegetarians? You've probably heard
that "Ovo-vegetarians" eat eggs, and "Lacto-veggies" eat
dairy, and I forget what words they use when they eat dead fish and dead birds.
Yuppies just say "Fish and Fowl." They ought to have names like "Alco-veggies"
(who drink alcohol), "Chemo-veggies" (who tolerate food additives),
"Nico-veggies" (who smoke cigarettes) and maybe "Dopo-veggies"
(who take drugs). Vegetarian is such a politically correct word, yet most of
the vegetarians I know do most of the above. What they are really doing is refusing
to eat dead cows and dead pigs, and they ought to just have a cute word for
that. "I don't eat red meat" is the polite line you hear a lot. It
sounds a lot more negative and snobby than being a "vegetarian," and
it sounds like a prejudice and not an enlightened global attitude.
© 1987 by Harvey Reid
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